I dunnoe how to express this feeling, I'm not asking appreciation or return for what i did.
I talk to Boss last nite for 3 hours, but i couldnt get what i want, 'Janelle what i can say is 'sorry' for my ignorance to u last nite, happend is already happend but i cannot give u any promise. Thanks for ur trust to me and frank to me'
I dunnoe why I'm like that, tear keep dropping non-stop when alone, very awful feeling and what actually i want?
I only show my real feeling when in the car, during my journey back or to office. after that i have to dress up myself pretend nothing smiling talk to my staff, pretend happy chit chat with mum. I only show my dark face to Chen and Amar, they are too much and beyond my limitation. I knew is not proper did that, but i really cannot hide my feeling to them since they never treat me as human, since they like to sit that ignore my problems and get the honour they want.
I keep self motivate and talking potitive to my own, but i knew the fact actually i cannot cheat myself. I cannot stand it further but I'm not willing to let them enjoy my effort...
Poon told me 'let go is the way to realise urself, 'expectation' is a kind of burden to u also'.
Yup, i couldnt let go, i cannot accept why only my department have to suffer for those bastard mistakes, i cannot agree that those lazy and hanky panky ppl get the name, I canot accept that my department was misunderstood by bosses even though i had done all...
I am look down on you, FUCKER!!!
